Thinking of moving abroad? If you’re wondering how to be an expatriate in 2020, then keep reading to find out five important things to consider before moving abroad.
When I moved abroad for the first time in Sept. 2014, I felt prepared.
In the summer leading up to moving to Spain to be an au pair, I read blog posts and books about people who had taken the leap. I even talked to other au pairs about their experience.
I’d done my homework, and I was ready! But, for all my research, I soon discovered there’s a lot no one tells you about moving abroad.
Until now….
This post was originally published on Aug. 18, 2018, and was updated on Aug. 24, 2020.
What No One Tells You About Moving Abroad
Moving Abroad Truth #1: You can’t just “pick up” a second language.
People who make the decision to move abroad often do so because they’re interested in immersing themselves in a different culture.
For many expat hopefuls, somewhere their native language isn’t spoken tops the list of criteria for a potential country. It did for me!
When I decided to au pair somewhere in Europe, I focused my search on countries where English wasn’t the first language. The stars aligned, and I found a host family in Spain.
Within a few days in, it was evident I wasn’t going to simply learn by being around people speaking Spanish. That might be good for increasing your vocabulary, but I needed a base to build upon and my high school Spanish wasn’t coming back to me like I had hoped.
So, I enrolled in a language academy in Madrid. Between the grammar lessons in class and the speaking practice I got with my host family, I improved bit by bit.
Investing in Spanish courses and chatting with natives are just two ways to learn Spanish as an adult. In this post, I share 19 more ways to become fluent in Spanish.
Four years later, I still take the occasional Spanish class online even though I’m living in Mexico. Like anything worthwhile, learning a language takes concerted and consistent effort.
Your Takeaway
If you’re serious about learning a second language, invest the time, energy and money into a bit of formal education. According to this U.S. Foreign Service Institue, it takes 600-750 class hours to learn a Category I Language:
- Spanish
- French
- Italian
- Portuguese
- Romanian
- Danish
- Dutch
- Norwegian
- Swedish
You’ve got to learn to walk before you can run, and by “run,” I mean yuk it up at the bar on a Saturday night surrounded by locals in your new country.
Put in the work. You’ll be happy you did.
Moving Abroad Truth #2: You will feel dumb…a lot.
A big reason—maybe even THE reason—people don’t try new things or take risks is because they don’t want to look dumb.
News flash: when you move abroad and start over, you’re taking a huge risk. And, guess what? At the beginning (and for a loooong time after that) everything is going to be new.
Even going to the grocery store is a freaking adventure.
I’m not going to lie to you: There are days (hopefully, not too many) when the thought of leaving your house is overwhelming because you don’t know how to get anywhere or how to communicate with anyone.
You’ll just want to throw a blanket over your head because OH MY GOD why are there no Targets here?!
But, even Target wouldn’t magically fix everything.
In the five years I’ve lived abroad, I’ve felt like a total idiot more times than I count.
A lot of those moments involve Spanish, and the most mortifying one happened my second year in Madrid when I asked the director of my school about her weekend. I didn’t understand her answer, so I just replied with qué bien (that’s nice).
Turned out, she’d told me her mom died ?
I was living every language student’s worst nightmare.
When I realized my mistake, my first thought was that blanket and how desperately I wanted it over my head (possibly for the rest of my life). But, instead, I apologized and life went on.
Your Takeaway
When you mess up—and, believe me, you will—own up to your mistake and get over it.
You’re not going to be an expert from the get-go, and no one expects you to be! Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.”
In my experience, locals are patient and willing to help.
Moving Abroad Truth #3: Making friends is hard.
So, there’s this shared fantasy among basically all first-time expats that they’ll move to their new country and VOILÀ! They’ll have a zillion friends, a booming social life and never ever feel lonely.
Ahhhh, if only things were so easy.
But, by now, you should realize very few things are easy when moving abroad and making friends is no exception. As with learning a language, you’ve got to work to find friends.
Are you starting to see a theme here?
My second year in Madrid, I wanted some new friends.
Don’t get my wrong: I loved hanging with Taylor, and we had some nice couple friends, but omg I can’t believe I’m actually about to type this because I would never saying anything like this in real life…I was in need of some feminine energy.
You might think that sounds lame, and while you’re definitely not wrong, it’s true.
Instead of just wishing for girlfriends, I did something about it. Hoping to meet one or two new people, I started a feminist book club on Meetup.
The response blew me away! I met more than a dozen cool, like-minded women, and my only regret was I didn’t start the club sooner.
? It’s never too early to think about holiday shopping! Check out this awesome gift guide & give your travel-obsessed loved ones a gift they’ll ACTUALLY use.
You Takeaway
Be ready to put yourself out there, and don’t be embarrassed about wanting friends. It’s perfectly normal to desire human interaction (or so I’ve heard).
- Join Meetup.
- Play pick-up basketball.
- Strike up a conversation with a stranger.
You can find friends in lots of places, but one place you won’t find any is under that blanket we’ve already talked so much about. No blankets!
More Posts About Things to Consider Before Moving to Another Country
- Expat vs. Digital Nomad: Which Lifestyle is Right for You?
- The Ultimate Moving Abroad Checklist
- Ask Yourself These Questions Before Moving Abroad
Moving Abroad Truth #4: You need an expat community.
Going back to that expat fantasy: Lots of people imagine all their friends being locals.
If I wanted to be friends with Americans, I would have stayed in America. HA!
Did you hear what I said about making friends being really freaking hard? After the first month in your new country, I doubt if you’ll be turning away any friends.
If having people to talk to and do stuff with is something that’s important to you, take them where you can get them!
When you move abroad, expat groups are a great place to meet people. In this post with tips for how to move abroad, many women emphasize the importance of having expat friends.
While I’ve never been a part of an official expat group, my book clubs have always attracted a lot of expats since we conduct the meetings in English.
But, Alex, if you’re as serious about learning Spanish as you say you are, why isn’t your book club in Spanish?
Sometimes, you want to speak your native language. Sometimes, you want to take a break from being “culturally immersed.” Sometimes, you just want to be around people who understand and relate to your experience.
ALL THAT IS OKAY.
Some of my closest friends have been expats and not just because we both spoke English. We also bonded over our shared sense of curiosity, open-minded outlook and desire to do something different with our lives.
Your Takeaway
Thanks to the internet, it’s possible to find fellow expats wherever you are in the world.
It might even be worth your time to make a few expat connections before you leave home.
No one knows better about what it’s like to be an expat in “X” city than an expat living in “X” city.
If you have questions about finding a place to live or don’t know if you’ll be able to find peanut butter in your new country, reach out to an expat and ask.
Who knows, you might even make a new friend.
Moving Abroad Truth #5: It’s possible to have more than one “home.”
When I moved to Spain to teach English in Sept. 2015, I made a conscious effort to call Madrid “home.”
I told myself, You’re living here now. With your boyfriend. You have a job and friends. This apartment, this city, this country: it’s home now.
I thought if I didn’t commit to calling my new place “home” then I was just playing house.
In my mind, it legitimized what I was doing.
As a 20-something on what most people would consider an “alternative path,” I sought legitimacy often in those first few months after moving abroad.
At first, it felt unnatural because, when I started calling Spain “home,” I stopped calling Michigan “home.” My Madrid apartment became home, and the house I grew up in became my parents’ house.
When I’d mess up and call Michigan “home,” I felt like a fraud. You can’t have two homes, Alex.
After a while, Madrid did start to feel like home. But, Michigan never stopped feeling like home.
Rather than fighting it or feeling guilty, I let myself call both places “home.”
The longer you’re an expat the more you realize it’s possible to have more than one “home.”
Home isn’t a place. It’s a feeling. Home is a place you feel loved, accepted, safe and happy. You might feel that way in the town you grew up in, a city halfway across the world or both.
What matters is you feel that way somewhere.
Your Takeaway
When moving abroad, don’t feel like you need to turn your back on wherever you’re moving from.
That place is part of who you are!
You know what else? It’s possible to feel at home AND still be homesick.
Just because you miss your family and friends (or Target) doesn’t mean you’re not happy in your new life.
Final Thoughts on Things No One Tells You About Moving Abroad
Since Sept. 2014, I have moved abroad three times (twice to Spain & once to Mexico). While each move has brought its own unique challenges, I was much more prepared for my move to Mexico than I was for either of my moves to Spain.
Why?
After being an expat in Spain, I knew there would be days in Mexico that I felt dumb, making friends would take time and being homesick didn’t mean I wasn’t settling in.
Basically, I had a better idea of what I was getting myself into.
Hopefully, after reading this post, you have a better idea of what you’re getting yourself into too when you take the leap and move to another country.
There will be tough days, but you are tougher. Would an easy adventure really be worth having?
If you’ve ever moved abroad, what do you wish someone would have told you? If you haven’t, did anything on this list surprise you? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Great post, and so true! This is my 3rd move overseas (as an adult), and there’s always something new to learn! Immersing yourself in the language is hard if you don’t know certain words (mainly verbs) to converse with. And many expats (like me) aren’t seeking out American friends, just friends who have the knowledge of living in another country. My friend down the street is Mexican who lived in India for 8 years and some time in Australia. It’s that shared experience that I seek mostly so we can laugh about the craziness of our experiences!
Hi, Tiffany! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave a comment. I’m so happy you enjoyed the post! Whether abroad or not, we all just want friends we have something in common with. It’s so awesome you’ve been able to connect with people that relate to your experience. Finding those people and sharing a bottle of wine with them is what life is all about! 🙂
Alex Wittman recently posted…5 Things No One Tells You About Moving Abroad
Exactly! We need to plan something! 🙂
Moving is always fun. I love to travel.
Hi Danny, thanks for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. Moving can be stressful at times, but once you’re settled in, there’s nothing like exploring your new city. Happy travels!
Yeah, everything has a price so does moving.
Moving is fun but hard at the same time. We moved to Japan 10 months ago, their language is really hard to learn and understand, but we’re currently studying their language. Riding a taxi is the hardest thing to do, because most taxi drivers doesn’t know how to speak in English. But yeah, now we’re little by little adjusting. Thanks for sharing this! xo
Hi Kyra, thanks for reading! You summed up moving abroad so perfectly: “fun but hard at the same time.” The bad days are really bad because you’re so far away from anything familiar to take comfort in, but at the same time, the good days are so so SO good because you can take pride in the fact that you made a life for yourself somewhere new. Feel free to send me an email if you ever need to chat with someone about #expatproblems. Wishing you the best!
Everything you’ve said is so true! I wish someone had told me what it would be like communicating with friends / family back home. I actually found that it didn’t take long to feel like I was growing apart from people / missing things, and you really find out who your true friends are! Melis x
Hi Melis! Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. I feel super fortunate to have had friends come visit me both while I was living in Spain and here in Mexico. But, it’s still difficult. I have definitely felt sad about missing out on things back home. Weddings, birthdays, even just going for drinks with the girls! But, I am so happy with my decision to move abroad, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I hope your experience living abroad was everything you wanted and more! Cheers, Alex
Alex Wittman recently posted…Backpacking Europe: How To Plan A Euro Trip On A Budget
“You can’t just “pick up” a second language”
I can sign that!
The first time I moved abroad was to the US, but my english wasfairly good, so I didn’t have too much problems.
Now I’m living in Sweden for 7 months, and I still struggle to have everyday conversations.
Most swedes’ English is really good, and I “survived” so long without speaking the language because of that. But now I reached a point where I’m really embaressed of my lack of Swedish skills. I thought it would be so much easier for me since my native language is German and written Swedish is fairly easy for me to understand. But talking? Nah I still need to tell them that I don’t speak the language (Which is super embarrassing when they see how long I am in the country and don’t get the simpelest sentences). I signed up for a Swedish class now, because clearly learning on your own doesn’t work, even if you put effort in studying vocabulary.
So I lived abroad for three months in Temuco, Chile, South America. I enjoyed reading your post and agree with everything you stated. The only thing I would add is the return home; whether permanent in my case, or a visit in your 3 yr circumstance.
First, I landed at Miami International and said to myself,
“USA, land of English speaking people.”
Well everyone from the customs agent to the baggage claim attended to the McD’s employee spoke 100% Spanish and I was pissed.
Second, all my friends kept telling me how different I was and I didn’t know what they were talking about. What I figured out years later was I had all kinds of built up self confidence from successfully living and surviving abroad. Things were just clearer, I knew my settings at home so well the adjustment coming back was a welcomed blessing. Seeing/learning the different customs of a totally new and different society made the customs of my local society so much more clear, predictable and therefore easily adjustable. I loved being home and was on cloud nine for well over a year before the excitement of living abroad wore off at “home”.
Please feel free to change/edit anything as you see fit
Having lived in 7 different countries, I thought your points were excellent. It’s important to have a sense of humor and not take yourself too seriously. You will feel like a preschooler or an idiot plenty of times, and humor will save you. And you are quite right: You don’t just ‘pick up’ a language, or take an online course and speak a language in three weeks. Starting a book club worked for me too.
Miss Footloose recently posted…Living Abroad: Weird, Broken and Headless
Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to leave a comment! I really try to be as honest as I can about the whole expat experience. Too many people romanticize it, and while I can’t imagine any other life, that doesn’t mean there aren’t tough days. Glad to hear a book club worked for you too! Best, Alex
I actually laughed out loud at the “I needed some feminine energy”. I’ve so been there and it was a strange realization that I’m missing a certain type of person or interaction in my life as an expat.
I also agree with you that expat friendships are just as important as trying to make local friends and adapt the local ways. I already have one thing in common with expats – our shared sense of curiosity and courage to start over somewhere else. That commonality can be a bit hard to find with locals if they haven’t lived abroad themselves or didn’t enjoy it.
Katherine recently posted…How to overcome language barriers: The international workplace edition
Hi, Katherine! I’m glad the post made you laugh. It’s always nice to connect with people who understand your situation. I’m so glad I opened myself up to expat friendships, and it sounds like you are too! All the best, Alex
Love this post. I laughed to myself when you talked about feeling like an idiot. I’ve experienced this twice and as we prepare to move to panama, I’m sure it will happen again.
The first time was in Spain. I was there by myself and very overwhelmed! It was only my second day there. I went into a store to buy some food and couldn’t figure out how much it was and how much to give the cashier. I had a complete mind block. So embarrassing!
The grocery store in Costa Rica. OMG! So they have yards of sausage and you need to talk to someone to ask them to cut it. Well, I didn’t know this as it doesn’t exists in the US. I just stood there like what am I supposed to do with all this sausage? People here must not buy this much! Then laughing Costa Rican’s came to the rescue!
You just have to know how to laugh at yourself!
Ahhh, I’m so glad you love this post, Sara!
I have definitely had my own fair share of sausage moments since moving abroad. People are generally super understanding though and willing to help out the silly foreigner. Learning to laugh at yourself is probably the most VITAL skill for any expat to have. Thanks for reading, and wishing you the best with your upcoming move to Panama!
Hi Alex,
I’m thoroughly enjoying the information you share. I was wondering if you know anything about Merida? I was laser focused on moving there until I found out about Queretaro through you. Any thoughts or recommendations?
Thanks for reading, Dan!
I actually just published a post about the best places to live in Mexico & shared a few thoughts about Merida: https://backpackingbrunette.com/best-places-live-mexico/
I’ve spent some time in Merida & while I think it’s a lovely city, I don’t think I could personally live there. Give me Queretaro’s dry heat over Merida’s humidity any day!
Alex,
I can’t tell from your post if you are still operating this site.
My wife and I have been discussing/planning to move to a Spanish-speaking country, probably Mexico because our kids will still be living in the states and it makes it easier for them to visit. Right now we explored Guadalajara (too big but beautiful squares, markets, El Centro and friendly people). The following year we traveled to San Miguel de Allende and loved it (the climate, the food, the culture). The next year we spent 10 days in Queretaro and began looking at houses in El Centro to gut and fix up as well as some modern housing. We are planning to return early in 2020 for 3 months at an air B&B, pandemic permitting. It will give us more leisure to explore and get to know neighborhoods.
I wife speaks fluent Spanish, having majored it in college, lived for two years and attended college in Venezuela and return to the states and taught Spanish. I have been trying to teach myself as my business has not given me time to take formal classes as yet but that issue is being resolved.
Despite all of our research in locations, visas, permanent residency, etc. your website has been really instructive and we appreciated. Maybe we will run into each other somewhere in
BTW we have both been backpackers; my wife in Oregon and me in Colorado. In fact, our pre-honeymoon vacation was spent backpacking through the mountains of North Carolina.
Hasta luego.
Hi, Chuck! Thanks for taking the time to leave such a nice comment & yes, I’m still operating this site. In the last few months, I’ve been devoting more time to creating content for YouTube. Have you seen some of my videos over there? So exciting that you & your wife are planning on coming back to Queretaro! That’s great that your wife already speaks Spanish & I wish you the best of luck with your own studies. My video going up tomorrow has helpful tips for learning Spanish as an adult that I think you might find helpful. Thank you for reading my blog & perhaps we will run into each other in Qro someday!
This post is great & absolutely correct on each point. My husband & I are retired 50-somethings & moved to Portugal 4 months ago. During the first month, when we were overwhelmed & loving our ‘blanket’, we told ourselves if it didn’t work out we would just hang in there for 5-10 years & then could move back to the states. We moved to a new, better flat 2 months ago & have decided that we love it here so much & our decision has been so successful that we extended our ‘fallback’ plan to 20 years! We are not the young explorers in our 20’s, so this is a little different than most of you :), but we are still adventurous & excited about exploring the world!
Good luck to all the travelers out there! It is a big beautiful world ready for us to discover!